An essay I wrote on the topic "An ordinary person's guide to being cool."

Comic courtesy one of my favourite websites - www. xkcd.com

Do you remember that day in the 1^st grade when the coolest kid in class was the one who had a massive 64-colour Crayola crayon set? Honestly, I would give anything to go back to that day. How times have changed.

First of all, I would like to make some things clear. I am an ordinary person only based on the fact that I have two hands, two feet, two eyes, two ears, a nose and the rest of the ordinary human-being-like physical characteristics, thank you very much. The rest of me, I’d like to think, is extremely extraordinary, unique and different, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is my guide to being cool.

Coolness is now an official quantitative measure. I remember my first day at the Cathedral and John Conon Infant School at Malabar Hill as if it were yesterday. The coolest kids were that smug little boy with the three-storey pencil-box, the other one with that Spiderman lunch-box and the pony-tailed girl with the best handwriting. As we moved on to Middle School, coolness began to take different shapes and forms. The boys who knew the names of all the top football players were so cool and the girls who wore make-up and carried Chanel bags to school were the stars. Things changed again in High School, when girls and boys started dating around the eighth or ninth grade. Now everyone looked at the coolest couples and all sense of individuality was thrown out the window. For my part, it didn’t bother me what other people thought was cool. I always behaved according to what I considered appropriate. When people started collecting Pokémon cards in the 3^rd grade, I was busy collecting shells from all my trips to beaches. When people threw away their Gameboys and switched over to PlayStations, my favourite game was still Mario Cart on the Gameboy. Its small things like that; it’s not that I wanted to act differently; it’s just that I didn’t get affected by the dreaded peer pressure.

So, my guide to being cool, huh? Here goes….

Stay fit. Okay, I’ll admit - I’m a bit of a fitness freak. I work out at the gym around four times a week along with playing football and other sports in between.  When I see someone who is grossly overweight, I feel sorry for them because I know of all the possible health risks they face. But I also feel a tinge of anger as I wonder why they don’t do something to make a change in their lifestyle?

Believe in God.  You’re probably going, “Religion. Seriously? You think that’s cool?”

Well, it is. Think about it - if we don’t bother acknowledging our Creator and thanking Him for all the blessings He has showered upon us, then what exactly is the point of living?

Also, DO NOT get influenced by your peers. Trust me, ever since I’ve left school and joined college, I’ve seen so many of my friends change drastically. They’ve started drinking excessively, smoking uncontrollably and even trying out drugs! I’m not saying don’t have fun and be a saint. But there are some lines which one cannot cross and drugs are definitely on the other side of that line. 

And finally, love the people who care for you. Your family and your friends, and never do anything that will hurt them. There you go, so put on those shades and rev up that white Lamborghini (just kidding, that’s just for me) – congratulations, you’re Mr. Cool now!

NOTE: The challenge was to write a light-hearted, yet meaningful essay on the topic within 600 words. Let me know if I was able to do so. Leave a comment! 

Frozen Thoughts.

This is the second in a series of articles by Shoaib Sumar about life and the contemporary world. In this light-hearted panorama, we discuss the world's most-loved dessert- Ice-Cream! I don't mean to be too figurative when I say this, but this one is miles apart from my last note titled "Earth to Self: "Its time to Joga Bonito!". It reflects the writer's versatility as it differs greatly in style and content.

I don't cry over spilt milk, but a fallen scoop of ice-cream is enough to ruin my whole day!

The Online Dictionary defines ice-cream as "A dessert made from frozen sweetened cream or a similar substance, usually flavoured" This definition, to me, seems rather incomplete. Under no circumstances can the world deny the sheer emotional value that comes attached to a bowl of ice-cream. Let me illustrate further. It serves as an incredible anti-depressant, an unbelievably good tear-stopper for kids, and a great companion on a Saturday night watching a game of football, and you know it! Yet, The Online Dictionary, in its definition, dismisses it as a mere physical commodity. To put it simply, Ice-cream can be defined accurately in two words "Happiness condensed"

Historically, the origins of ice-cream can be traced as far back as the 4the century B.C where Roman Emperor Nero ordered ice to be brought down from the mountains and served with a variety of fruit toppings. Not surprisingly, China too lays claim to the invention of the frozen dessert with records of King Tang of Shang (what a name!) having a method of creating ice and milk concoctions. Wow, so ice-cream too was 'Made in China'. Once ice-cream reached North America in the 1700s it really took off and became popular among the wealthy merchants. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson reportedly served it to all their royal guests. Only in the early 19th century did ice-cream parlors become popular with common folk. Okay, that's enough for today's history lesson.

Did you know that Chocolate Syrup is the world's favourite topping on ice-cream and Vanilla, the world's favourite flavour according to extensive surveys conducted world-wide. Vanilla? Yes, I'm serious.

Another popular myth surrounding ice-cream is that it can only be truly enjoyed in hot weather. Rubbish, in my opinion. Not just in mine, the list of 'Top 10 Ice-cream consuming countries' blatantly quashes this myth. Its no surprise that the United States tops this list- with a Hagen Dazs or Ben n Jerry's at every street corner, why wouldn't they? The surprise lies in the fact that 8 other countries on the 10-member list, (Australia being the one exception) are what we consider 'Cold Countries'. Yes, New Zealand, Denmark, Belgium/Luxembourg, Sweden, Canada, Norway, Ireland and Switzerland make up the other 8 countries. Clearly, ice-cream consumption has no relation to weather, the barometer here, is undoubtedly, economic prosperity.

As time progressed, ice-cream pioneers decided to penetrate into the more price-sensitive segments of the market. This, along with other factors such as the widespread availability of machinery and raw materials led to a sharp decline in the exclusivity of ice-cream during the 20th century. Soon every Tom, Dick and Harry (remember Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour in the third Harry Potter book?) was eating ice cream and loving it!

Now to the issue of flavours. My personal favourite is Baskin Robin's Gold Medal Ribbon- introduced in 1979, 'GMR' is undoubtedly a world-beater. Lets say, an ice-cream equivalent of the Spanish football team. The sumptuous combination of rich chocolate and vanilla enshrined by a ribbon of caramel is guaranteed to salivate the mouths of even a hard-hearted, ice-cream loathing Communist! I am an Indian citizen and am sincerely disappointed by the quality, or lack of the same, of Indian ice-cream. The only half-decent Indian chain of ice-creams is Natural's. Sad, but true.

At this point, I would like to reiterate in the minds of our readers, that Chocolate Syrup is the world's favourite ice-cream topping.

So next time you enter a Baskin Robin's or open a tub of Natural's Chocobite, take a moment to solemnly remember- what you are about to eat is something special. Treasure it. And don't regret the calories!
Good day.